Hello, loves. I'm back! Sort of...
I had my first round of chemotherapy Thursday of last week, and to say it knocked me flat on my ass is an understatement. My body had no idea what to do. Unlike what I've heard from many people going through chemo, I had a reaction pretty much right away. I felt fine right after, came home, ate, juiced, fell asleep, woke up with a bit of a stomachache and thought nothing of it. Fast-forward a few hours later, and I was so painfully nauseous that 3 anti-nausea pills barely touched it, and, after trying desperately NOT to heave for hours, I ended up (this part is a bit graphic)...
sticking my fingers down my throat to TRY to vomit, and, well, nothing happened. (Of course.)
The nausea, weakness, fatigue, and dehydration (dehydration was my biggest problem, bar none), caused me to feel worse than I literally ever have in my life. Nobody and nothing can prepare you for the level of fatigue that chemo brings. That is something those who unfortunately have to experience can only really understand if they go through it themselves.
Today is day 9 after chemo, and I am actually starting to feel more like myself than I have since the first treatment.
One thing I do know is that since dehydration is my biggest problem (not surprising given I've been a chronically thirsty person since I came out of the womb), I now know I can get on top of that with electrolyte water tabs (I use Nuun. Yes, that's an affiliate link. lol!) so I don't feel like a walking piece of beef jerky for days.
My doctor also told me that Ativan, a drug for anxiety, can help a great deal, and boy did it! That night after the chemo, it was the only thing that settled me down enough to finally stop feeling like I was going to heave up every meal I've ever eaten for the past 40 years and finally get some sleep.
The drawback of feeling as "normal" as I do now, is I know I have to go right back into that dark tunnel again this coming Thursday, and then, as far as I know, 6 more times after that. That isn't easy to think about, so, I mostly don't, but it's a reality I do have to face month after month until this is over.
I'm grateful for the little victories, the comfortable moments, the laughter with my partner (we are ridiculously funny together), and times where I'm clear-headed and well enough to write and create.
I'll keep posting as my health allows. I love you all, and I vow to come back stronger than ever. The world has never seen the like of what I'll be after this. ;)

I keep coming back to see if you've posted any updates. I hope you're doing okay.
ReplyDeleteHi. Thank you so much! I just couldn't continue updating, but you can find me on Instagram @thearticulateautistic or on www.thearticulateautistic.com. :)
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